Baseline Boom Boom
Last night I got to see a slug-fest. This time the fight was scripted with a tennis ball over a synthetic court. If you are a tennis buff, you might guess I am talking about the Nadal – Potro semifinal in the US open championships. And boy what a slug-fest it was !
Del Potro
I have never been too much of a fan of Nadal’s game play ( although as a player he is remarkable – and has all my respect) . The reason is that most of his games are a agony to watch. He just keeps repeating his trademark power shots and generally runs circles around his opponents – thanks to his fitness. His game doesn’t have that edge, that a Federer game can have. Nonetheless he wins on most occasions – and that was what was expected against the Argentinian.
It turns out however that Juan Martin del Potro had plans of his own. Rafael Nadal for once looked liked he had met the player who could run circles around his own circles. The harder Nadal hit the ball – the harder it came back, and deeper did it land ! Potro’s shots kissed the baseline on many occasions – sending the usually dominating Nadal into the far reaches of the court. The rallies reminded me of tennis in the last century, only this time the rallies were much faster and it looked like both were giving their best (and not just trading shots).
Boom Boom is what best describes the tennis that was on display. Serving at nearly 130 miles an hour – Potro decimated Nadal in three sets (6-2 , 6-2 , 6-2). The commentators we repeatedly telling us that they were seeing the new face of tennis. The 6 foot 6 inch tall Potro has a languid quality of movement – he looks very graceful as he lopes on the court – a contrast to the hard running that Nadal does. And thanks to his height he doesn’t take long to reach from one end to the court to another.
Tennis however is more about temperament than talent – especially at the highest levels where the most talented are pitted against each other. How much of a temperament Potro has – remains to be seen at the final. But he has impressed many in this match. And the winner of the other semi final better not see video footage of this match – lest he gets demoralized by the way he disposed Nadal.
Watchmen
Watchmen Smiley
Superheroes become a marginalized minority in this satirical take on the concept of super beings. Based on the comic strip by the same name, the movie is a treat to watch – a parody of the expectations we have from a superhero movie. This is a superhero movie not for the adrenaline charged teenagers – this is a superhero movie for the 60 plus “old guy” who has seen most of this world and doesn’t have too much hope for the salvation of humanity.
The characters are defined almost in a different dimension. Traditionally on the one hand we have the realistic movies – like The Godfather – true depictions of men and their follies and redeeming qualities. On the other we have Spiderman , Batman etc which strive to show people who are larger than life, living out the dreams of power and control of the helpless downtrodden – the saviors of the “world”. And somewhere in the middle is the Watchmen.
This movie is about looking at the world from the “real” perspective of the superhero. The fallen angels – retired and living without their masks – accustomed to the callousness of human behavior. These guys were doing the stuff that the law could not achieve – not so much powerful as brave – facing adversity with nothing but rubber masks and loads of attitude. This movie is about the pressures one would feel, if one could imagine one of these men in complete correctness.
One of the characters called the Comedian (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) is a mix of the Joker and Batman. He does things one cannot be proud of, and yet he is a savior also. He is a parody of the our inner contrasts of good and evil. He is the middle ground where the good guys and the bad guys mix and share stories ! His character reminded me of two generals from either side of the border enjoying a quite drink in the night joking about how the next day they will have to face each other in battle.
Then there is Doctor Manhattan (Billy Crudup) – a blue form of energy – with immense powers. He is portrayed as the classic “weapon of the American masses”. Only he doesn’t care much about Americans in particular and humanity in general. He is so far ahead in terms of understanding time and our position in this universe – that he finds the human trails and tribulations, petty and unnecessary. He no longer wants to solve our problems.
Night Owl II (Patrick Wilson) is a take on batman – only he has a paunch and is no longer interested in saving the crap on the streets of New York. He has his little gadgets for amusement and dreams of the glorious past while pontificating on the bleak future. He is also in love with the lady in the group – Silk Spectre II.
Silk Spectre
Played by Malin Akerman – Silk Spectre is the love interest of Manhattan and Night Owl. She is them “human” part of them all. The fragile statement of life against the brutal onslaught of the human greed for power. She is following the in the footsteps of her mother – Silk Spectre I. The character has a history which is mired in acts of infidelity and misplaced expectations. Towards the end of the movie, her history sheds more light on the Comedian and sadness of his life.
Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) is the ex-hero with a billionaire background. Although initially in the wraps about his real intentions – the character gets more definition as the movie progresses. We see a clear thinking individual, who decides ( with no one’s permission) that the world needs to be set straight before the end is upon us. He goes about it in methodical fashion – uncluttered by emotions. He is an emblem of the ruthless change that is sometimes necessary to correct a situation which is beyond repair.
And finally we have Rosharch played by Jackie Earle Haley. A masked guy with inkblots on his canvas face – changing forever with time. Rosharch is a moralist like no other, and his fearlessness outstrips his powers. A mortal human who has pledged to defy all odds – to save whatever is left of the “humanness” in us. His character made me feel invulnerable on the inside. A person who is beyond harm because he chooses to be so – deep down inside. No pain can get to him, no force except death can stop him in his tracks.
Excellently directed with amazing special effects – the movie never tries to be a display of CGI graphics. Instead it uses generous measures of gore and special effects in understated tones – more to outline the characters than to tell the “story”. Zack Snyder has been a revelation in the past couple of years. His style is fresh as well as Noir. The title theme by the Smashing Pumpkins makes a statement in itself. Taken from a previous Batman movie – the score is dark and depressing – foretelling the bleakness of the outcomes.
The movie uses an “old-world” color scheme – bright plasticky and devoid of the brushed metal finish of the uber modern textures. The comic strip element is enhanced and the satire is magnified because of this. In effect you first suspend your disbelief and then realize you didn’t really have to ! The movie is about real people and real emotions – told through the medium of an imagined world.
I loved the movie for its ambiguities and fallacies. It strives to make one think about how we behave and where we are headed. Although its an imaginary world – the events are heavily metaphorical of our lives today. This movie like its comic strip origin – is going to be one of the classics in the line of “V for Vendetta” and “Sin City”. Do not watch it with superhero expectations – rather suspend your expectations and live out the lives of the average super-hero in graphic detail. This movie is the stuff of coffee table discussions !
Prescription Drug Abuse
Michael Jackson having a jar of pills
Its the latest and most fashionable way to die …. or so it seems from the recent deaths of Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger. Its being called an epidemic and very soon it will probably replace all other addictions as the top-rated addiction !
But what is the reason for this “epidemic” ? Why is it that so many individuals in the US and other developed nations are popping pills day in day out ? What are the circumstances that lead the average guy to the nearest drug store with a handful of bogus prescriptions ?
Any attempt to answer the above questions must include a thorough analysis of the daily habits of the average guy. However since that is quite out of the scope of this little article – lets me just examine the circumstances a little superficially and attempt to find some meaningful answers. Let us start by examining what are the reasons for any sort of drug abuse – not just prescription drugs.
Drug abuse is well researched in other domains like cocaine and heroin. The abusers are usually disconnected people trying to lose their loneliness with the help of some chemicals. It does not really matter how the habit starts – it almost always ends up being an attempt to relieve the stress of modern day lives. Among those who start using drugs early – some do not feel the need for it once their circumstances change , while others continue to use it moderately and a handful few really become the abusers. These are usually the “misfits” – the people who just happened to be in the wrong circumstances.
Since drugs like cocaine and heroin are banned in most places on this earth – the abusers are often reined in and most of them eventually do quit the habit. The loneliness is long lasting and doesn’t go away, and its effect – a ton of stress on the fragile human mind. In our lives today we often neglect the things which we need to concentrate most on – like bonding with the people around us or finding long lasting friendships which can carry us through tough times. We are generally more interested in monetary aspects of our existence – and material gains are usually highest on the priority list. Having acquired the “latest” , we simply loose interest in it and the cycle starts all over again. This continuous need and satiation cycle wears our brains down to the last neuron. Eventually the “latest” fail to enthuse us anymore and a feeling of deep ennui sets in. Loneliness is the manifestation of this whole process. As we loose connections and friends while we age – we need the support of chemicals and artificial means to support our interest in the world around us. Its like the brain building and alternate and interesting world inside our heads so that the external disconnect can be overlooked.
Since drugs like cocaine are illegal, most law-abiding citizens will not use it, even though they may feel the need for it. Not so with prescription drugs. They are legal and at the back of our minds we know that they are “safe”, because they have been “tested”. Most celebrities today have such stressful lives that going on without the “support”of prescription drugs looks like an impossibility. The fans then follow these celebrities and think its fashionable to pop a pill and continue with the grind of daily life. The logic is that – ” my icon does it , so why not me !”. Even after they realize that they are doing a whole lot of harm to themselves – most prescription drug abusers feel that going on without them will be more “harmful” to themselves.
Prescription drug abuse cannot be rooted out by making new laws and punishing doctors. This malady has to be dealt with at different levels. This “epidemic” is the symptom of deeper problems with society as a whole. Treating the symptom will only make other symptoms appear – as the problem itself is ever present and ever growing. The problem of disconnection in our lives has to be solved first before any sort of drug abuse problem can be solved. The abusers need to be reassured about their “necessity” to the people around them. They have to be made to feel a part of the whole – not the outsider – an aberrant personality taking drugs to solve problems. We need to accept our stress and try to solve it – not suffer from it while maintaining a calm exterior supported by forty different chemicals running inside our systems.
Michael Jackson was an icon in more than one way. He lived larger than life and paid the price for it. His death itself is iconic – starting a world-wide debate on prescription drug abuse. More like him will pay the same price as our constant clamor for gratification increases. Celebrities are usually most hit by the loneliness – they are surrounded by “fans” they are not allowed to bond with. They meet numerous faces everyday without forming relationships. They are doomed to snuff themselves out, as they feel the pressure of remaining viable and famous, while their bodies slowly wither away from the stress.
Recipe for disaster – the Maoist problem
The recent confrontation between the security forces of India and the Maoist extremists in the state of West Bengal is a sure recipe for disaster. On the one hand is the corrupt egotistical government of West Bengal, on the other are a handful of extremists who purport to hold up the interests of the impoverished tribals in the area of Lalgarh. At the bottom of it all is another power struggle. But this time the stakes are much higher than eny such struggle before.
The main reason for the difference in this unrest and the others preceding is the explicit support of the tribals and the local population for the Maoists. In most other civil unrest areas in India the individuals who support the movement (without actively participating) prefer to stay hidden from the eyes of the government. But not so over here. And there is a solid reason for that.
The locals over the past many years in West Bengal have been exploited to the fullest. Tribals and ethnic populations get exploited everywhere in India. However prosperity eventually provides some relief as the general living standards improve. West Bengal perhaps is one of the few states in India where the quality of life has deteriorated over the many years that the Left has been in power. Rampant corruption in the government is hidden behind politicking and boastful talk about equality and equal opportunity. The fact that a large impoverished population (indigenous as well as from across the border) is being exploited, is carefully hidden behind petty politics and arm-twisting of local administrative organizations.
The average villager in West Bengal is worse off than in neighboring states – in spite of the fact that West Bengal had one of the highest literacy rates in India at one time ( along with Kerala). These people are then easily influenced by extremists like the Maoists who at first seem to offer a better life than that offered by the state. The locals believe that the only way their lot can improve in this world is by aligning themselves with the Maoists. The Maoists on their part have made sure that they seem like the “better government” with good and quick delivery of justice and other benefits like road-building projects etc.
However at the end of the day the Maoists also are another power hungry faction of extremists. Although their causes are genuine their methods are far from correct and effective. A show of power by cornering few villages and blocking off access to them is hardly an effective demonstration of power in a country of 1 billion people. They eventually got over run by the security forces and now they are “under ground” – whatever that means. The reality is they are still very much there. They are just a bunch of people among the general population and knowing their alliances by looking at their faces is an impossible tasks.
What is now going to happen are sporadic acts of violence as these factions dissipate among the masses and start their own small wars and protests. Its like cancer and by cutting up the tumor and allowing the pieces to flow around in the blood stream is just the best way to make sure that whole body gets affected with the disease. As for the local population – more numbers will join these secret organizations as mayhem returns while the “security forces” leave. The fact is the government in West Bengal has been ineffective in dealing with the problem of exploitation in the past many years – and the scenario is not going to change after the military initiative is over.
The ideal solution to such a problem is to make an aggressive development strategy after the forces leave. This will prevent the addition of more “fuel to the fire”. Also the local administrative organizations need to be revamped quickly to reflect the views and aspirations of the local populations. Representation from among the tribals has to be quickly inserted into administrative bodies – before these same representatives stoke the fires of rebellion among the tribals again. Its time that a comprehensive solution is determined, and the lethargy of the West Bengal government in implementing policies – is scrutinized by the center.
Ironically it would have been better for the state as whole, if the security forces had entered and evacuated the Writers Building rather than the Maoist headquarters. The real problem is not the tribals or the Maoists – its the ineffective and egotistical Left Front that is sitting like a malignant tumor in the middle of this most educated and culturally evolved state. They will eventually be the real reason why the whole state will go to the gutters.
Govt to bail out a leaner, trimmer Air India
“Govt to bail out a leaner, trimmer Air India” was the headline on the Times of India news. I have seen Air India in action for quite some time now, and more than a bailout what they really need is a solid “kick out”. In the following few paragraphs I will try to explain why I have come to feel that way.
Let us first compare Air India with other carriers in India right down at the ground level. Private carriers in India are notorious for ridiculous cost cutting and general “pay all the way” attitude. They offer the minimum that can be provided without looking like a transport bus on wings. And yet whenever I have traveled with Air India it felt worse. The staff is mostly oblivious to your needs and have the air of the arrogant host rather than that of a polite service person. The private carriers at least make sure that the staff is not rude to the customer. I guess it is something to do with their perception about who pays their salaries. While the personnel of the private carriers know too well that they wont get paid if there are few fliers day to day – the Air India staff are secure in the knowledge that “government is going to pay anyway”. And the news headline is the best example of this fact.
In-flight service is the best differentiator for the private fliers. They compete with each other to appear courteous while trying to be cost-effective. Every cheap trick is used to make sure that the flier feels more pampered that he actually is. The service on the Air India flights charts the opposite course. They have all the means – but try to behave pricey and least bothered to create any impression, leave alone a good one.
Air India had all the advantage. They had reach and they had leverage. They could cut out original and value for money deals with the help of the different tourism departments within the government. They could make and sell “package holidays” better than anyone else could in India. They had the resources. But even today we rarely see a “package” where Air India is the flight service provider. All the great deals are with the private carriers.
To quote the Civil aviation minister Praful Patel :
The Prime Minister has said that the entire weight of the government is behind Air India. It is a national carrier and it is our pride. But there is a condition that Air India must put its best foot forward. The employees must realise that there is a problem and it is a cumulative problem.
It has been way too many years since privatization started in India, for the employees to realize that “there is a problem and it is a cumulative problem”. They are really beyond repair. And this constant bailing out is not helping at all. When the bailout is guaranteed, their will only be just enough incentive for the “paperwork being done”. Any improvement in the services or the organization as such will just be the figment of the fliers’ imaginations.
The airplanes Air India uses sometimes compete with the crew in looking older and more gray haired ! Sometimes on a rough landing – I used to feel that the plane was just holding on. I imagined the jaded technician going through the motions, without any hope of an honest appraisal of his work. I imagined the contract management teams taking kickbacks and filling the planes with under rated and low quality spares. I imagined the usual government machinery at work. And then one day I met a colleague who had worked in their maintenance teams before. Voila – my imagination was quite spot on ! All he had to say was that he was surprised most the flights could even take off !
Someone please tell our honorable minister that Air India is definitely our national carrier but not our “pride”. Rather, they are a facet we like to collectively hide from outsiders. You will be hard pressed to find an Indian who bragged about the great time he had with Air India. We often tend to forget to mention the fact that we arrived on the national carrier. Its like avoiding to say “I could not get a seat anywhere else !”
The minister added :
Until and unless serious steps are taken to improve the functioning and the financial viability, it would be difficult for the government to continue supporting the airliner
Why not say impossible rather than difficult. Even better - say f*** y** you piece of sh**. And let them drown within the cesspool of collective lethargy and utter corruption. I would support a minimalist “national carrier” with just enough flights for essential services and government personnel. Everything else should be completely privatized. There definitely is a need to monitor standards – but that should apply to all carriers. Anyway I have more often seen private corporations have better standards than the government ones, except a few which are worse – Reliance for example.
When the whole oragnisation is a problem – one should get rid of it. Trying to repair it is like repairing an old run down car – you fix something, and something else falls apart ! That has been quite the case with Air India, for a long time now. The pilots go on strike, the staff go on strike and almost anyone who is someone in the organisation always chooses to throw his/her weight around. Its time we got rid of the “government scale malignant tumor” and start from scratch. Let the idiots fight for their survival. Maybe they just might turn the corner themselves. At worst we will have less delays because of these slow moving monkeys.
The Endpoints and the Connections …
The traditional view of the “living” world is that of organisms inhabiting it, while they interact with each other and the environment to produce the “buzz” of life. Each organism is an entity and humans along with all other animals, understand the world around them from the perspective of the “me” or “I”. Every plant and every animal has a rudimentary consciousness and the greatest display of this consciousness is in us “humans”.
As humans have progressed over the times the conscious part became stronger and soon was able to overcome our animal selves. Our actions were determined more by our thoughts and less by our instincts. Although there has always been a glorification of the “instinctive” persona, the cogs and wheels of this world moved mostly to the tunes of “discussions” and “exchanges of thoughts”. Our corporate culture is the best example of an area where people with foresight and networking skills are preferred over the “raw” types.
However now the ways of the “living” will change. Before the advent of computers and the Internet our thoughts mostly lasted as long as we did. Except the charismatic leaders and people with “reputations”, almost every body along with their ideas were forgotten after a few years post their demise. But now our thoughts live – in hard-disks, Google accounts , Facebook , blogs and what not. The electronic media is rife with ideas and thoughts. Although mostly in a disorganised mass of digital information – our thoughts have finally found avenues to live longer than our bodies.
So let us examine this situation from a fresh perspective. We have always perceived thoughts as extensions of the person. That is because the person came first and then his thoughts. However now as our thoughts have learnt to survive beyond the individual – the thoughts are eventually going to come before the person. That is because as more of our thoughts get trapped by the immortality offered by our digital toys, they will eventually cluster and form strong “lines of thought”. And every new person born will more likely than not – fall on one of these lines. Thus we will come to this world – attach ourselves to the “thought”, work for the “thought” and then leave some of us in the “thought” as our physical selves dissolved in death.
Connections are Humans !
In the new world the thoughts will live and the people will die. The nerves in their brains will provide temporary vaults for these thoughts. Some of the minds may become the “labs” for a “line of thought”. Other minds may just help in making the “line” stronger. Eventually, if we have complete convergence of our mental and digital selves – the thoughts will become the “real” living beings more alive and longer lived than the mortal humans.
If we ever manage to produce artificial intelligence – we will make sure that we will become “unnecessary” in the long run. The beauty of artificial intelligence will be its exponential nature of evolution. Humans have had to evolve physically to become “more intelligent”. Our unit of “intelligence’ is our brain and its bound by the skull and the hardware inside it. There is really no such limit for an “artificially intelligent” being. It will be able to evolve exponentially from generation to generation. Eventually it might not need any “generations” to evolve.
If we combine the above concept with the the concept of immortal thought – we can start getting the picture of the new “way of life”. Our minds and brains will become the connections and the thoughts themselves will become the endpoints. The strongest “line of thought” will become the God of our existence. So omnipresent and inherently potent that no single human or “thought” can overcome it. Hopefully this “line of thought” will include the requirement of human existence even after the “artificial” life is created. Otherwise we may be headed for a slow but sure extinction !
Peddling the “science” or the lack thereof !
Scientific Vastu !
Going through the papers the other day , I came across this wonderful advertisement about “Vastu”. Now Vastu is a touchy subject in India. Almost every one here knows its mostly crap. But almost everyone will never want to engage with bored fat housewives who will usually believe in all this.
So “Vastu” survives along with the cottage industry doling absurd advice to absurd people. Part of the reason that it is so resilient to debunking – is that it usually has some nuggets of knowledge in some nooks and crannies. It’s like a cocktail of common-sense facts with a generous dollop of “absurd science”.
So lets examine the advertisement on the left. The first section is the common sense – switch on the lights to dispel depression. Along with that you can dispel the “evils of darkness”. Ghosts maybe ? Apparitions ? Or maybe just the harmless evil of “tripping over the telephone cord in the dark” !!
The second section attempts to explore the science behind ringing bells. Now make no mistake – there is definitely an explanation behind the allure of the sound of ringing bells. That explanation usually includes the science of hearing and how we react emotionally to various sounds. But the “science” in this advertisement ventures further.
We get to learn that
Bacteria have a hearing mechanism
Bacteria die when they hear bells ringing
Now that’s quite a lot of “science” in a few lines. Perhaps the author might care to explain which peer reviewed paper he is quoting. Or maybe the paper he is quoting is from a tattered book of the village quack.
The last part gives us some insight about the author of the advertisement. A certain doctor (PhD ?) who specialises in “removing vastu defects without demolition”. Also this person can sense negative and positive energies. What a package! I say this person should pay a visit to the Writers Building in Kolkata. He will find so much negative energy that “demolition” might be the only option left !
Ten ways to lose Twenty-Twenty
Looking at India’s despicable run chase in the just concluded match against the English (in the ICC twenty-twenty world cup), I felt like enumerating the ten most important ways you can lose a twenty-twenty cricket match !
- Who looks better ? (On the field)
1.) Push the third time losers like Ravinder Jadeja up the ranks so that they can make their test match debuts in the Twenty-Twenty format. The funny side of the whole affair was his face. He has more expressions than a monkey on heat. But he had no shots unfortunately.
2.) Come in down the line with mammoth expectations like Yuvraj, and then get stumped while your backfoot hangs above the ground like a limp phallus. Here I must give some credit to the man. He puts an honest effort all the time. Better luck with Kim Sharma.
3.) Come in as captain like Dhoni and then start playing like an entry level cricketer playing his first Ranji trophy. I wonder if Dhoni stopped getting his milk. Maybe he should head to the nearest cow and stick his head under the udder. He looked more like a “doodh pita baccha” than the captain during the match.
4.) Get cocky like Harbhajan during the usual interview halfway through the match. He thought it was a “good pitch to bat on” . I thought his lack of foresight and intelligence is a “good pitch to Bet on”. There is nothing like making cocky statements like that and then coming a cropper.
5.) Get all confused with loopy bouncers. Suresh Raina needs to understand that he is no good if he can only play “good length balls that come on to the bat”. He looked like a guy trying to fly a kite. His expression after his dismissal , conveyed the distinct impression that he wanted to hit the ball higher in the air – so that all the eleven on the fielding side could get underneath it !
6.) Put a kilo of white sunscreen on your face like Gambhir and then play like a zombie. He needs to get his act together before he lands up being the “borderline case” all over again. The guy probably put in the best efort in the whole side. But alas … it was just too little. The better thing to do would have been to take a swipe at Jadeja, so the guy could be removed from the match and thus improve our chances.
7.) Come in like the next Nemesis of the balling and then drag the ball to your stump like Mr. Sharma at the top. Sharma looks confident. He moves confident. He gestures confidantly. He does everything right in terms of the show. And then he plays like a third time loser. I wonder if he was thinking this was the IPL – and there would always be “another match” surrounded by those foreign babes swinging their booty at the ropes. Come on man – can you please grow up !
8.) Win the toss , and then mis-read the pitch and then choose to chase just because you lost the last match playing first ! ( Which is what I think our good captain had in mind anyway !)
9.) Play like a opener in the third last over. This one must be the best way to lose the match without getting blamed for not trying hard. Our great players were taking the “ones and twos” diligently while the required rate was 12+. Qualifications for playing in the Indian should include proficeincy in basic math !
10.) Play the “same team” in all the non-consequential matches. And then start doing the experiments in the important ones ! This probably is the single best way to confuse your own team members and lose the important matches. Suddenly we see “new” faces when the most important match comes up !
The Indian team has this uncanny ability to make benign cricketing sessions look like russian roullete. Their confidence is as thick as the ice on a frozen lake during a warm summer. Some one just needs to jump a little hard, and the whole surface of the lake cracks up. At the end of the match all I could say was – “well we deserved to lose !”
Would you like to go on a Holiday ?
I guess everyone enjoys being asked that question. Except perhaps those guys at the tourism services. For them the above question probably implies going back to work !
I was also asked this question. And I did not enjoy it. Not because I would not like to go on a holiday ! But because the person asking the question was doing a sales pitch. He wanted me to hear out the “whole deal” about timesharing of holidays. Well he had his job to do and I had to listen so that I could get a “gift” at the end. But while I was “listening” I decided to think about how it must feel to be a sales person for these holiday deals.
A few minutes into the presentation he started showing us slides about the resorts and their amenities. He had a laptop on which a PPT sideshow was flashing images from the resorts. Very fervently he described the various resources available for the holidayer. He showed the swimming pool and the jacuzzi. He also showed us the bar, events in the bar as well as the “beautiful” toilet. Just in a manner of conversation – I asked him if he had ever gone to any of these resorts. He confidently replied that he had not – maybe he could if he accumulated enough “points” by the end of the year.
That I felt was the most poignant moment in the presentation. Here was a guy waxing eloquent about the “beautiful” resort and he had never gone to any one of them. The first thing that happened after the revelation – he lost almost all his credibility for the rest of the conversation. The second thing that happened – I became really pensive thinking about how utterly phony all this must seem to this poor guy. He must be wistfully looking at those photographs in between the pitches and wishing that he had the money to go on these trips. But most certainly he was very far from achieving that dream.
One man can put another in the most strangest of situations in life. His “manager” was a suave sales guy who would come in between the conversation and give “tips” to me. He was also monitoring the effect of the pitch on me and was trying permutations and combinations in his head – mainly to give me a set of “numbers” that would make me sign up. The methods he was choosing to convince me amused me more than ever. Let me give you an example.
Manager: So how much did you spend last year on holidays
Me : About 2500/- per day for four days
Manager : And how many times you go on a holiday in a year ?
Me: Twice a year !
Manager : That means …(some scribbling on paper) …ummm …. around 40000/- a year
Me : Hmmm … (thinking how the hell he got that number)
Well there were a few more of these “mathematical” errors before the final most beautiful number. To sum it all up I had to pay around 2.75 lacs for a 25yr validity of 7 days of holiday per year. Along with this, on offer, was a plot of land just because “It is our twentieth anniversary”. I asked him where this plot of land was. He showed me a beautiful map of the place with neat rectangles draw all over it. Basically there was nothing on the land except the rectangles.
Shabby Promotions !
A little more shabby was the appearance of his promotional materials. There was a magazine which looked fit to be used as a toilet paper. There were a few laptops with lots of pictures. ( He was changing the laptop every ten minutes – the other tables also required the services of the laptop ! I wondered if they would figure out a laptop sharing “deal” … ). Also the a4 sheets he was using for his “figures” looked like from the refuse heaps. The table was a glass top … the chairs were plastic. Loud music played in the background and there was a huge blow up of one of their “castle” resorts on one wall. Another wall had a huge photo of the founder of the business. He looked positively like a goon, fat cheeks, mustache and dark shades. The sales guy kept pointing out the photo when referring to the “founder”. I was wondering how his appearance could make/break my holiday. I definitely would not want to have him in the next room to me ! Even if it was paradise all around !
The whole setup felt like a cheap coffee house with loud music. The people felt like they had barely been able to “sell’ anything at all. They looked tired and behind the sheen of “enthusiasm” I could sense a bit of desperation to get out and breathe fresh air ! For a pitch to sell a 2.75 lac commodity (for the same price you can buy two Nano cars and fit them with speakers and halogen lamps !) … they sure screwed up big time. They had the right words – they could make you feel the pressure to sign up. But the rest of the story had fallen apart. And without the rest the words appeared really hollow.
There was a brief clapping episode in the middle when a family “signed up”. I wondered if they knew what they were getting into. For I know … cause I have already signed up with the competitor. The service after you sign up is not just bad – its offensive. The common perception among the employees of these businesses is that they have done you a great favor by giving “so much for so little”. But its not their fault. They have only seen the seedy side of the business. They were never sent on any of the resorts to get a first hand view – not even for one day. They only see the “customers” complain about their “bad holiday”. They probably feel that “the guy is just asking for too much … look at me … I haven’t even been to any of them and I have to praise them to the sky !!”
So much for the “Holiday” !
